momma said there would be days like these…

days when i would run into the school bathroom stall, fall to the floor, and cry because sixth grade girls are mean.

days when a boy made me believe he liked me, but broke my tiny heart into dozens of little pieces.

days when all i could think about was killing myself, not wanting to live, and feeling like worthless shit.

days when i questioned God and asked Him why He would let this happen to me if He truly did love me.

days when i felt alone, because my best friend turned her back and talked about me and i would bawl for weeks.

days when i would look in the mirror and tears would run down my face, along with lumps of mascara.

days when i would look at my past and i wouldn’t be able to see any kind of future for myself.

days when i would lean over the toilet and force myself to throw up, because society says i’m fat, even when i haven’t eaten yet.

days when i would have to wipe the tears away, put my makeup on, and fake a smile.

now i believe her…

but momma also told me that there would be days when i didn’t have to fake a smile, because i was happy…

but i don’t know how to believe her.